Mother's bond

Mother’s day is a day to acknowledge the self sacrifice that I have made to devote more time to my child and offer her better things in her life, the love and affection that I provided regardless of the preschooler’s mood swings, the disciplining that I give to assure she becomes a good person and makes better choices even though it would mean I would be the devil for a short period of time. My Mother’s day was a grand event, not only was I able to spend the day with my daughter but also my mother and my boyfriend. The celebration for me started a few weeks ago when my boyfriend bought me a blender/food processor combo. I wanted a food processor for the longest time to ‘sneak in’ veggies into our regular meals. The four green beans and two broccoli crowns that I forced Tiffany to choke down each dinner time was not enough to provide the much needed vitamins to a growing child. I figured not only will mixing in the veggies to our regular food be better for her but also for me, because in reality even though I ate my cup of vegetables I didn’t do well mixing it with fried pork chops and white rice. My choices must improve as well. I also hadn’t seen my brand new beautiful blender, which I had used twice since I got it at the bridal shower (long story, will get to that in a future entry), in over a year. So the first gift was totally awesome. My next gift, given to me a few days prior to Mother’s day was a wonderful new camera, a Sony Cyber-Shot with 14.1 mega pixels, and compared to my 6 mega pixels camera is a huge advancement with great new play options, and I can’t wait to figure them all out. On Mother’s day we started the day out with breakfast at Gilchirst which makes the best blueberry pancakes ever! My mom took Tiffany to my aunt for an afternoon BBQ while I stayed with Kenny to pick up groceries for our dinner plans. That evening my mom, Tiffany, Kenny and I enjoyed a wonderful lasagna, salad, garlic bread and later on strawberry short cake. My mom surprised me with a new GPS navigator; the old one was stolen almost 2 years ago in the Philadelphia Zoo, I still find glass in my car at times. And finally Kenny gave me a card which brought a tear to my eye, especially since last year he didn’t give a gift because Tiffany had made me something at school. The difference a year makes. It made me truly appreciate all I had and I thanked God for getting me to where I was, just thinking that not only was I a mom, but I also felt like a mom, I had that bond, that strong heart felt bond which I didn’t always have and feared that I wasn’t going to have it.

I wanted that bond the moment I knew that she would no longer be my niece but my daughter. I wanted that closeness where you can sense when they are in trouble, when you can heal the wounds with just a kiss, the sensation that your life is greater because you have this being that you created and mold to be the best person you can help it to be. But honestly 2 years ago, it wasn’t there. I loved her, not just because she was family, but because she would be mine to raise and her life was in my hands to assure her safety, her growth, to fulfill her every need it was all my responsibility. At first, I was scared, scared of “messing up” I hadn’t had 9 months to prepare myself mentally for the transition from single adult to motherhood. I had a few months to prepare my work schedule, my home situation, to childproof my home for a preschooler. To look around the grocery store to find out where the PB and J was, the chicken nuggets, the character cereal. To hid the R rated movies, to place the knives in the top shelves, to convert the computer room into a princess palace, to find the right soaps, hair ties, and a bed. The time came when I had this little person living with me and I worked on the hugs and kisses, and the transition from aunt to mom. Then I learned I wasn’t ready for other things. I wasn’t prepared for the first meltdown at the store, or the first sleepless night with the fever; I wasn’t ready for the stomach bug, or hold down a screaming child for blood work. I wasn’t ready to change timeout spots depending on the chore I was doing at that moment and escorting her back to bed 20+ times during the night until she slept in her own bed. The fear slowly faded, the bond grew, and one day she stopped calling me Titi and started calling me Mommy, that day was over a year ago and it continues. The bond grew and with time, I earned her trust and love and she had my heart. Soon I learned that even though they had a head start most moms are still nervous of “messing up“ and don‘t feel prepared. They do it…we do it because the love, the bond, is so strong and great that it is as satisfying to met their needs as it is to met your own. That bond , that special mother bond that makes you smile to hear them laugh and feel proud when they say ‘please and thank you’, that melts your heart when they say I love you, and have tears in your eyes when they cry. I can honestly say that I have that now, the power to kiss away the hurt, hug away the pain, love her more than I could ever imagine loving another being, I have that bond because I too, am a mom.