The very first blog entry has to be the most difficult, because I don't know if I write it as if I was talking to a friend, talking to myself, or writing a section that can possibly come together to make a story. At times I dream of becoming a writer and making up stories mixed in with my lives true stories however the fact that English is my second language and my writing style is usually more of a run on sentence than a story I never put that dream in a reality column. But for this blog, at least today, I will write as though I am writing one heck of a story and go from there.
This is the first Wednesday I had off in so long I wasn't sure what to do with myself. As I do most mornings I woke up logged on to the computer and answered a few emails; instinctively I opened a second tab and logged on to my facebook account where I checked if any of my friends had posted any new news, any birthdays, or new pictures. Played a round of Family Feud and turned off the monitor when I heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. "Good morning Princess" I said before I saw her, it made her smile to know that I could sense her a mile away. "Good morning mommy," she said. Looked at me puzzled in my sweat pants and t-shirt, "You aren't going to work today?" She's five but very observant, not much you could get pass her. "I'm off today but you do have school." Took me less than 20 minutes to get ready for school. We came to the kitchen where she fed the cats and I looked in the fridge for the starts of breakfast. Took out the gallon of milk and her annoyance was obvious. "Cereal again?! I can have cereal at school." "Well then," I said as I put away the milk, "You will." Surprisingly the cereal battle didn't cause an argument; in the car we chatted about summer and summer camp and class field trips. She sang songs that played in the radio which at times made me twitch because I knew my little one should not be singing about getting 'tipsy' even if she didn't know what it meant. With a kiss and hug I dropped her off at her preschool were her teacher had started pouring cereal bowls for some of the other children there. Decided to stop at the supermarket to pick up bacon, eggs, pancake mix and other necessaries. Found the store wonderfully calm on a Wednesday morning and wish it would me like this on Monday evenings too, my usual shopping day. Bought enough breakfast, lunch and dinner items for a house full of people, even though is just Tiffany, the two cats, me and my boyfriend who visits on the weekends. Came home and put away the groceries and back online as I ate my breakfast. An hour later the lights flickered and the monitor went black; along with all the lights that were on and the radio in the background. I went outside and "played" with the outlet box with no luck. Decided that it was a sign from God to get off the computer and do some work around the house before the day escaped. I found it very frustrating that I couldn't do a load of laundry or run the dishwasher. When I started washing the dishes by hands found it even more frustrating that the garbage disposal wouldn't turn on to let bits of food drain. I ended up organizing the kitchen cabinets. Something I wanted to do for a long time but never found the time. An hour and a half later; when I put the last can in the covers the radio and lights turned back on. "hoorah!" I thought and decided to start a blog, so this is why I'm here.
During that 90 minutes of complete silence I found myself wondering how my life has become what it has become. Many thoughts came into my head about different paths and decisions that I have made through out my life and not knowing how these decisions have got me here. I thought about my regrets, my "what-ifs" and mostly my current goals and desires. 12 years ago I would have never imagined me being a single mom of a 5 year old, living two towns from where I graduated high school, only 20 minutes from my mom's home and still working on my bachelor's degree. However the paths that got me here involved losing a child, breaking off an engagement 2 months before the wedding, moving to and from the city and promising my dying uncle that I would make sure his little girl was taken care off. Even know as I reread my sentences and rethink my journey I swear I made it up. The last 12 years, which involved stupidity, heartbreak, betrayal, joys, love, and death all seem like a very nicely woven together novel, the kind that I like to read to see the heroines overcome their struggles and win at the end; except for this time I don't know what the end has planned and I don't know if there is a win or a losing side, just a being the best person I know I can be and go from there. Wishing for the best, I guess. Well this is my start on recording and improving my life's journey.